jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
