The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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