Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
