can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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