OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
