The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
