Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
