The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize