Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
