Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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