The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I believe in your delicious
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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