when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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