I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
