uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
