i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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