dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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