new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
