I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
