Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
