Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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