That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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