I intend to get homeless drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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