boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
