hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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