We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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