Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize