New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
