great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
