Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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