An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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