if you like me you must not know who I am
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
