I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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