Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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