He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
