I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
