why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
