I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
