There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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