the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
