She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
