i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm passing your future prison.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize