It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
