the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
