I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
where does the pee come out of this thing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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