all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
