My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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