so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize