it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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