I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
