I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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