We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
please don't ironically join a cult
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