Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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