My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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