I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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