I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
