I'm lost and stupid without you.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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