so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize