I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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