please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
