I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I will pee on everything he values.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
