dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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