just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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