Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
