Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
